i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
