he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Did I show you my penis last night?
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
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