I can't watch pbs sober anymore
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
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