I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
