im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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