Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
