I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Randomize
