he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
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