Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
