Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
