So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Randomize
