I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
