Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
