Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
