I think my vagina is haunted
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
And then my night got REAL pukey
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
