If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Randomize
