She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Randomize