I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Randomize
