maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
