I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
