His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Randomize
