We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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