Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Randomize
