Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize
