I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
