You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
i dont even know how to be here
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
