I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
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I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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