before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Randomize
