i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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