I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
