it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Randomize
