Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
