she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
ttyl tear gas
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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