Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
