y did u give ur computer a hand job?
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
