i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
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