My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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