There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
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