Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
