Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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