my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
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