Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
