you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
