It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Randomize
