does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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