I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Randomize
