omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
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