A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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