a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
