Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
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