you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
