you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
