Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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