Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Randomize
