Quick, to the slutcave!
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
