is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
He uses pillows to masturbate.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
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