The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
