its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
