i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
