Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
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