he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
The air was thick with penises
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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