I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
