someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize