Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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