I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
