I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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