Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
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We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
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