And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
