She is in my trunk
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
