Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
