New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
