ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
17 year olds will be the death of me.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
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